Monthly Archives: February 2016

Walking the Aisle(s)

I’m on my own now after walking down the aisle 21 years ago. While my soon-to-be ex-wife moves on with her life, I have to re-learn a lot of the things she had done for us for decades.
One of them is walking down the aisles of grocery stores, something I would do only to pick up one or two things on the way home from work.
So with my inexperience clearly showing on my first trip solo, I went into Produce, immensely proud of my ability to find the apples after a reasonably short search.
Then I started to move through the store, with no real clue as to what was where. My pride grew as I, quite by accident of course, found a few more needs.
I had made it about halfway through the store when I realized I also needed lettuce, located about six rows in the rear view mirror back where I started.
So I put it In reverse, up the down staircase as it were, getting knowing glances from the women I passed who knew all too well that look of male deer-in-the-headlights shopping confusion.
So it was that I eventually made it back to Produce in Row 1.
That’s right ladies I now have captured both lettuce and apples and that swagger lost in the humbling backtrack to Produce was slowly returning.
Okay cheese, where’s the cheese? Row 12? Really??
Cereal? Back to Row 4.
Uh, milk? Row 10
So it was that a trip that netted about 15 items covered the equivalent mileage of a half-marathon.
It wasn’t all misfires. My math skils came in handy when I saw a major roll of 200 garbage bags normally 14 dollars.
“That’s seven cents a bag,” a voice in the corner of my brain told me.
But the bags were on sale for 11 plus change.
“That’s closer to five cents a bag,” the voice asserted.
It wasn’t until I was walking out to the car it dawned on me. Since I’m by myself now, I only go through one garbage bag a week.
The voice in my head now took on a distinctly mocking edge.
“You just bought enough garbage bags to last the next FOUR YEARS!” it sneered.
Oh well.
A woman at work heard this sad tale and took pity, telling me that she not only makes a shopping list, but she makes it in the order of the aisles so she just goes up, down, up, down, up, down, done.
I’ve never had more respect for what she admits is a slight case of OCD.
I have a lot to work on.